In small cavern nook, Wedged between the cold stone, Sounds of closing Drow boots. Lloth had demanded him, On cold stone alter is death, He escaped temple. Cold sweat coats his body, He shakes like insect wing, His heart beats warp speed. Not want to be found, Yet then there would be an end. Terror fully grips him. |
Author's Comments
This is a series of Haiku for
 's Drow Club Contest Contest 14 - Fear.A Drow [male] number has come up and Lloth wants him on her alter. Comments
 very good,the vers and the poem...
I don't read very well english verse, but, this is refinate, ,good, Xullrae hav captive very details of th job.. good!  If you care, Haiku are traditionally 5 / 7 / 5 syllables, some of the lines have are off by one.
I do care which ones?
-- Daimyo Shi is arrogant name, it means Lord of Death in Japanese, I guessing I thought is was cool at the time. Now it simple a name that I have the same attachment as my given name. Legend of the Five Rings online RPG [link] Thank you very much!
-- Daimyo Shi is arrogant name, it means Lord of Death in Japanese, I guessing I thought is was cool at the time. Now it simple a name that I have the same attachment as my given name. Legend of the Five Rings online RPG [link] very good!
You can count the syllables on each line to find out.
 -- Daimyo Shi is arrogant name, it means Lord of Death in Japanese, I guessing I thought is was cool at the time. Now it simple a name that I have the same attachment as my given name. Legend of the Five Rings online RPG [link] Clearly I did so and thought that I counted 5/7/5
-- Daimyo Shi is arrogant name, it means Lord of Death in Japanese, I guessing I thought is was cool at the time. Now it simple a name that I have the same attachment as my given name. Legend of the Five Rings online RPG [link] |
|
Community News168 400 Warming Christmas And Winter Images*rebeka-anne
 reports, 1d 7h agoA Collection of seasonal art of all mediums and genres, and from artists of all ages and talents from well seasoned experts to beginners. 75 It is Christmas in the heart...*6igella
 reports, 20h 33m agoIt is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. Big photography feature about Christmas, full of wonderful works and wise christmas quotations. Happy holidays to you! 71 wishing you happy holidays...*enemy-89
 reports, 1d 15h agoa wonderful collection-photography,digital and traditional works from my friends,from watchers and from people randomly found on dA.enjoy! 55 Daily Literature Deviations- December 25, 2009=DailyLitDeviations
 reports, 1d 4h agoDaily Literature Deviations is a group that is dedicated to bringing literature to the forefront of the deviantArt community. We attempt to accomplish this by daily featuring Literature artists from around the community that deserve the recognition, but are not getting it. Each day we will feature 5 deviations from the Literature categories in a News Article. In order to support the artists that we feature, we ask that you  the news article as well as check out the individual pieces. We understand that each day you may not be able to check out each and every one of the pieces, everyone has their own things going on. We just ask that you make an attempt to help support the growing Literature community.53 Natures Beauty by small artists*holzoepfael
 reports, 23h 35m agoI'd like to show you some awesome nature related work from more or less unknown artists which deserve more attention - this is a must see, you won't regret it!!! 49 WE.LOVE.ART.FEATURE.VII.HOLIDAY.SPECIAL.~allieweasley
 reports, 17h 9m agoI'm a lover of visual impacts. I like brilliant colors and shapes. And I decided to collect a whole stack of deviations that reflect that taste. These pieces showcased below deserve every bit of publicity you can give them. x)P |
PollWhat is your favorite holiday tradition? |
deviantART Loves You
Deviously serving the art and skin community for 3,428 days.
Only 224 days until our tenth birthday!
|
Deviousness
^Ikue has been a devious member of our community for almost 7 years and in this time he has proven to be nothing short of dedicated and devoted. Whilst volunteering his time over the last 22 months as a Gallery Moderator within the Community Relations Team, Chris has brought the Vector gallery and many vector artists directly into the spotlight. ^Ikue's commitment to the community is evident in everything he touches and you can always find him reaching out to others with an encouraging word. Chris is a natural leader with a vibrant and empathic personality, and is a role model for deviants everywhere. It's ev... Read More
|
Report a Policy Violation
Follow us on Twitter
Become a fan on Facebook
Critiques
Originality: Lolth calling a male to her alters for sacrifice is extremely common, however a male escaping and debating to keep going or face his fear gives it a bit more edge and therefore is more engaging.
Technique: You have worked on this harder than your other pieces and I believe your words have created a vivid image in the readers head. Given the style of haiku you make the most of your words and drive home your point in each stanza. Your flow is smooth and follows a good pattern. It tells a story from beginning to finish, yet you stay on topic.
Impact: Nothing grips a reader better than suspense and terror. While this character has no name it is like watching a flashback or a movie snippet of someone's last moments. You want to know the end. You succeed in ensnaring the reader and the fact that this is short, it doesn't feel that way. Leaves you with a punch that gives way to a rush of emotion. Nice job!
Previous PageNext PageThank you for your Critique
You are not logged in.